I’m no longer a slave to fear

I’ve been away from the blog for months.  Mainly because I needed to take a breather.  But don’t fear…. I’m back. 🙂

Since my hiatus, I’ve tried my hand at dating once again…only to be disappointed time and time again.  So, dating is on the back burner.  I deleted all of those crappy dating apps from my iPhone and I’m choosing to fill my time with something else.   This something else is way more fulfilling and fruitful than dating could ever be.  

Well, what is it?  I’ve decided to give church and God another chance.  I’ve always believed in God, but going to church gave me a negative vibe.  I can’t pinpoint exactly why I feel that way, but I’m socially awkward anyway so that doesn’t help.  

To make a short story short, I felt like I was knee deep in mud.   Everything around me was a mess.  I was going to bars to find fun and happiness.  While it was fun at the time, I didn’t like who I was becoming.  My life felt like it didn’t have a purpose and I just felt empty inside.   And I definitely didn’t want to chase after guys that didn’t want me.

This past Sunday, I felt a strong urge to go to church.  So I got up, took a shower, and went to church.   I made it just in time for the service to start.   The worship leaders were singing No Longer Slaves and during this song, I felt a voice speak to my soul saying You are lost….  I’m like woah, that didn’t come from my head.  I could feel my eyes well up with tears but I held it together.   

And then during the service, the pastor said something that punched me hard in the stomach:  Prolonged personal sin takes a toll on God’s work in your life.  Right then, I felt so convicted because that statement was so true.  I knew that I needed to change my lifestyle and follow God more obediently.

So that’s what I’m doing.  I’m going to church, reading the Bible, and even took it a step further by joining a Life Group.   I’m allowing God to mold me into who He wants me to be without getting in His way.   

Love & Light, 

Heart Vomit

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m so frustrated with dating right now.  It seems like it’s much harder to make an honest connection with someone nowadays…I’m not sure if it’s because I’m a lot pickier now or that times have indeed changed.   

However, I’ve gotten better at listening to that nagging gut instinct that tells me when to hold on or let go.  The last guy I dated for a bit, he talked way too much about himself when we first met.  I had met him on OKCupid and he seemed cool through writing.  Anyway, I was kind of bored when we met in person and I didn’t think I’d see him again after that.  But, the stubborn me was like “you didn’t really give him a chance”.  So, I kept talking to him.  I figured that maybe he was nervous or something.  

We met a few more times.  He cooked dinner for me, got wine for me.  Really sweet gestures, but that nagging feeling was still there.  I learned later on that he hates Waffle House or Chick Fil A for stupid political reasons and he hates all the music that I listen to.  Polar opposite of myself. I love Chick Fil A and Waffle House.  I don’t care what those places believe in….it doesn’t affect me filling my tummy with delicious food when I’m hungry.   Anyway, the nagging gut instinct voice got louder as time went on and I finally listened to it.   But, I did love his cats.  He wasn’t a bad person…he just wasn’t for me.

So I give up on dating for the time being.  And maybe I’ll delete my OKCupid account.  I’d rather meet someone through real-life adventures than online anyway.